Weblog 30

August 20, 2006~ 7:30pm
This is the eve of my 55th birthday. (I'll have to go back to my profile page now, and change that info. Keep things accurate.) "Fifty-five and still alive"- that's gonna be my motto this year- (and it has gratitude as a subtext, I believe.)

I still remember back when I first left my husband and was legally separated, living in a 3rd floor walk-up apartment: I was 32 years old. My children used to ask, "Mom, when do you think you're gonna die?", and I always answered -(and I can see that it was a cruel thing to do now, but I didn't give it much thought at the time)- "I think I'll die in my late 40's"- I'd say. And they'd respond with- "oh NO! that can't be true!" And I'd answer somberly, "well, I always thought that I'll die pretty young." Whether that was fear of life or fear of death that made me say that I don't know, but I know I held to that belief until I turned 50. (Then of course, all bets were off.) This carcass was gonna age and droop and bloat like all the others around me walking around in mid-life and beyond: I feared that more than death, I suppose. Now...well now it's moot. I'm here. In not too bad of shape and I may as well make the best of it.

Grandchildren are great. And I love books and writing, and sleeping for long spells when I can, and I love the changing seasons (except for summer, which has always bit my ass and made me miserable). And I love a lot of music I hear, and movies, chocolate and fudge and many animals (though not as pets. Pets are a mistake in my view, but living with these cats now for close to 20 years, I just have to let them finish their lives with me and allow that to play itself out.) I won't have another pet, that's for sure. I've learned I love solitude more than anything else I suppose, and that's a good thing to know about yourself and admit to it.

I'm the kind of person that if a person had to have one friend, I'd pick me-- -but it has to be the right person and they have to be sure. I don't cotton at all to liars or manipulators, and I hate small talk more than anything in the world. I prefer silence to the dumb yammering about this and that that seems to sustain so many. I am judgemental and I may as well just say it. That'll never change about me. I have a strong conviction about most things, and I'm quick to condemn and slow- if ever- to forgive. And all of this is just fine by me now at 55. I hope I can say the same at 85, and with the same contentment.


August 21, 2006~ 10:00pm
Birthday's almost over. End to the 3 day weekend and back to work tomorrow. (Can I hear a big ol' "BLECH!") That's the way of things, though. Last night I was sitting here grinning around, thinking of all that time to laze around in bed and read and eat the fudge my honey gave me for a birthday present (as well as 3 lovely books, and funny and beautiful cards)- and just enjoying life like crazy.

Tonight I'm filled with the selfsame blah-ful doldrums as per usual. Our joys are too swift and our tedium too long, and that's the truth of it. I did have an interesting evening though, listening to EVP's which creeped me out and looking a urban legends and such. That always makes for an enjoyable few hours, giving myself the willies and jumping from link to link like some kind of computer leapfrog landing on hot lilypads. lol...

My daughter emailed a happy birthday note and asked me over for a friday night home-cooked meal. Now THAT'S something to look forward to....she's a great cook! (Wonder where she gets it from? All she would've learned from me is toast and sandwiches.)

So now I'm just a regular old 55, not a newbie--and life rolls on in waves of ordinary days-- that if I look closely enough, DO kinda sparkle anyway. Nigh'tall.


August 22, 2006~ 8:45pm
First day in, and yes, there was a manure pile of new work. I just plugged along like a little bulldozer and kept taking nice big chunks of it, moving it from one pile to the other. By the end of the day, there was a small, but certain dent. {{{{{sigh}}}}} That's all you can say. No, I didn't paint a Mona Lisa or discover another planet, but the stack is smaller. LOL!

And folks..........I think I've put my finger on what's wrong with this nation. I've given it a lot of thought - with the left side of my brain, and this is what I've come up with:


Pass your cursor over this picture
to reveal the answer!




See! Plain as day. We're a might constipated with these Bushmen. Daddy started us off and simple junior is stuck right there where the sun don't shine. We can't SHIT the damn nuisance out of us....and lookie here. What do you think the caption to this one should be?



How about:

"Sorry, kid. Thought you was in the enlistment line."


August 23, 2006~ 6:15pm
Today I failed royally. LOL. I had to fill in on the phones for a couple of hours around lunchtime, and only realized after 40 minutes that the phone console- hidden behind my pile of billing charts- was still forwarded to the answering service. (Pretty easy stint, right?) Could've been bad, and oh sure, I panicked-- but when I took the service off and called for our messages, luckily for my sorry butt there were only two new calls and both had been paged the same as I would've done 'em. The other 2 were repeats of earlier stuff.

And there I was, billing away, singing snippets of 'Fiddler on the Roof' in my best Tevye accent ala Zero Mostel, and all the while I was incommunicado with the lifeline of the business. God protects fools and drunks- and I was as sober as a judge. (Just a little light in the brains department.) Well, chalk it up to being out of practice dealing with the phone world (thank heaven.) I guess the old girl's just losing what little she had of finesse to begin with.

Varicose veins are next. You betcha!



***

(Return To Weekly Archives)