Weblog 46

December 25, 2006~ 12:00am
... Merry Christmas. Just back from a dinner at Calabria's and a visit to Wayne's sister's house, and Wayne's struggles driving Garnet's Mercedes- which is the car from hell, so full of security doo-dads it's impossible for the uninitiated to discover its secrets. (We had the steering wheel lock up on us after we came out of the restaurant, and much panic and anger, not sugarplums, went whirling about our Christmas Eve heads before it finally genied itself loose and we drove to Garnet's house for the gift exchange, while the food channel played Emeril and Iron Chef America always at the periphery of our vision.

After 2 1/2 hours, the offers of dessert seemed like Chinese water torture, seeing how I have to get up tomorrow at the crack of dawn to be over my daughter's house at 8:00 am for breakfast and sharing 'Santa's Visit' with little Kay and Bill. (Bill will be cranky. He's not a morning person at all. Ah, Bill......we have much in common, grasshopper.) Right now I am decompressing with a fresh pot of coffee, sitting here in my robe and doing what relaxes me most- babbling online. LOL....so "Merry Christmas" everyone; may your day tomorrow be one-tenth as peaceful as mine is right now- bright, but not too bright, not too shrill- and may you get at least one gift you truly like- in other words, one you would have given yourself.

If perchance, you cannot find the promised holiday peace and calm we all believe is out there- stumbling blindly as we do in seeking it- often to no avail......then may I recommend the charming online aggression-relaxer that I've been indulging in for the past two days....."MAD SANTA"- the game where we can clobber those holiday nerves and get a handle on things again. Enjoy! and once again, Happy Holidays. Just click on the rictus-grin nutcracker and begin your own path to serenity.





December 26, 2006~ 4:30am
Here it is....the dreaded day after and I'm up sipping my coffee at 4 am and preparing to go to work. Mentally psyching myself, though I don't think anything today can compare to the zinging around I did yesterday, and up at 6:00 a.m.--and on a day off--so today seems relatively quiet and thus, not too bad at all.

Hope you all had a good holiday. I was kidnapped by the holiday blues on and off this year, very weird. Had a mild crying jag between visits yesterday, over nothing, which is a little alarming, but I'm chalking it up to nostalgia, and the ghosts of many, many Christmases past all crowding in at once. It does that, you know....this high-pressure time of year where one's life seems to be riding on the quality of its joy. This is a silly proposition I know, but I think it's true- you begin to compare your old broken down mules to the silky-haired hooves of those marvelous clydesdales pulling their sleigh in the Budweiser commercial, and you own world starts to look pretty spare and threadbare.

Comparison is what does it, of course. Usually I am pretty good-humored about this, being a person prides herself on following her own Little Drummer Boy during the rest of the year, and not giving two figs for what everyone else is doing or experiencing- often poking fun at it to boot- but I think Christmas- at least in this culture- starts with comparison from the time of grammar school and essays about "How I spent my Christmas vacation"- on through movies like 'White Christmas' and 'Meet Me In St. Louis', perfect romance films. (I sat through White Christmas at the local Bijou some 46 years ago, twice over, and got holy hell when I showed up late for a Sunday dinner, my Junior-Mints-smeared lower lip quivering.) I used to be pretty much of a Christmas junkie, and now I don't know what to do with all the residual hope. There were those trips to neighbors' houses to play with their new toys- all the hype- the dreams of a perfect Margaret O'Brien family in a lovely little house, all the bells on the tree ringing, usually serve to render my own real life rather paltry by comparison. Pretty bah-f*cking-humbug....

Well, today it's all over for another year. I'm glad. I'm very very glad. Back to giving thanks and savoring the small things, not preparing for a big 'un-- and that's more my style- right down to the ground.


December 30, 2006~ 1:00am
This entire 4 day work week has been gruelingly tough. I am tired out, hung over with the Christmas crap, and feel like an old box of tarnished icycles- (the stuff we used to drape on trees-- real metal; could make the Lionel spark and stop dead in its tracks every time)- in other words I feel out-moded, out of date and not used anymore...lol. The truth.

I'm beginning to think I suffer from Christmas, end-of-the-year depression. Never liked to admit that, but I do think it's pretty irrefutable at this point and progressively worse with the passing years. Tomorrow is my honey's birthday. (Correction: today)- it's already tomorrow. Poor fella. To have a birthday at the bitter end of the root-end of the year and stuck smack in between holidays is a lousy break. He thinks I didn't get him anything, but I did a little shopping yesterday and I think that will make him happy, despite his telling me it doesn't matter. We're both droopy depressives. LOL!!! a match made in heaven.

Well, at least I have 3 days off. Nowhere to go after tomorrow night, not even on New Year's eve- which I imagine I will spend here on this computer- maybe watch one of the movies I bought myself. But other than that-- no activity for 2 solid days. A round of 4 hours sleep, up 4, back to bed for 4 and so on, just the way I like it.

So Saddam hangs tomorrow....(or is he already dead?) Seems superfluous at this point. Could've kept him in solitary the rest of what I imagine would not have been a very long life anyway. I fear the horrible reprisals. And for what? To stretch the neck of a public criminal whose ass we once kissed in friendship back when the United States was 'making nice' with our now enemies over there? I hate politics. I especially hate our children paying in blood and with their lives over a 'rah-rah' souped up war that shouldn't have happened except for the lunatics who had their own megalomaniacal agendas, ensconced in office by a majority of frightened, jingoist, dumbassed Americans who 'voted their conscience'. (Personally, I think those consciences are politically engineered zombie-like contrivances, and I don't give two shits about their damn homophobic claptrap or prayer-in-schools or the real kicker- "family values"- a phrase that sets my teeth on edge more than any other- except perhaps, "thinking outside the box". In my heart of hearts, I wish the people who mouth these tripe-isms were IN THOSE BOXES, about 6 ft. under the soil.)

So that about wraps it up. lol.....got all that off my chest. Hope you all have a brighter attitude than this old girl here. I'm reaching an age where I simply don't give a damn anymore and pretty much speak my mind- especially if it's gonna tick off people I'm mighty pleased to annoy. Happy F*cking New Year folks. More of the S*O*S, right?



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