Weblog 114

April 13, 2008~ 12:00am
I've been pondering the nature of relationships for the past two days, acknowledging they are the part of our lives that make them most vibrant. The conclusion I've reached is that there are two things that truly kill off close rapport between people, and one is the presence of death: death hanging there like a thick smell-- like fog-- because the fear of death (either of self, or the death of a loved one) colors every conversation.



It imprisons, and never in the moment: the prison is a future that is so unbearable to look at, the present disappears into it like water swirling into a sink drain, this is unfortunate, but it happens all the time. Especially as people age. As the number of folks close to us nearing the death experience increases, we see our own mortality becoming more real; we may begin to examine our bodies for symptoms of every kind, and we'll find them. In that frame of mind, we can always find something to shrink back from in horror.

The other thing that puts the kibosh to relationships is secrets. How well do we really know anyone? How many calendar pages have turned so predictably, we hardly give them a thought? Might it not be that the good calendar pages have become older and older-



and perhaps other people-- events, fears, plans-- have taken their place?

Not only that, when I stop to consider the kinds of things that slither around in the minds of others, I shudder. Truly. I mean.....what's really behind the tidy suit and the standard issue glasses and tie?



The OUTside hardly ever shows what the INside is thinking...dreaming or imagining. Sometimes I think about that as I'm talking to someone, and I'm creeped out royally. It makes me want to become a hermit in truth, and for real. Sometimes we know too little- and sometimes too much- and sometimes, well, whether one or the other, it all just breaks down.

Anyway... all of this has been fodder for my 'weekend-alone' thoughts (even though I had a good weekend, all told. I had fun at my grandson's 5th birthday party --( I'd include a picture or two, but I left my camera at my daughters....lol...typical absent-mindedness)- but now I'm by myself.......and sitting around pondering, pondering, pondering. I have a lot of time on my hands- bear with me....sometimes I get like this.




April 13, 2008~ 7:15pm
I slept all day, courtesy of a really nice thing that my mother did yesterday. As we were driving back from the birthday party, she suggested that we go grocery shopping right then, and by doing that I'd have today to hole up and rest- and so we did.

And I did just that, all day long. Up for a few hours this morning for a pot of coffee and reading, checking things out on the computer, then back to bed and sleep. I have made a little island for myself-



See the turmoil and confusion above the little beige island on the bottom?-- its calm and waving beige inhabitants living peacefully there? I'm the one in the middle. My friends are Memory and Muse. We are quite happy as the day turns back into winter, dropping to 30 degrees tonight. Raining right now-- but that's on the outside. In here, we are snuggling comfortably.

An added plus is the paperback I bought a few weeks ago is not one of the 'Alex Cross' forensic psychologist novels (which are fine- but the main character's syrupy depiction of a black man and his children, and especially their relationship to the grandmother who lives with them and keeps them all in line- is so stereotypical, it grates on the nerves.) The author, James Patterson is not black, and I find his cardboard characterizations annoying at the very least, despite his often riveting plots.

The novel I chose is a Jonathan Kellerman book, featuring Alex Delaware, who is a child psychologist who helps the police in solving cases where his expertise is needed. (See the confusion? Alex- Alex, psychologist- psychologist, police- police, Kellerman- Patterson......LOL!!! ) At any rate this book is MUCH better, and it doesn't have the treacly elements of faux 'black family solidarity' dribbling from the pen of a white man, thank God. Why does Mr. Kellerman do that? I'd find it annoying if I were a black person as well, because it never rings 'true'. Those books have a feeling of patronizing condescension to boot: good stories, but peopled with cardboard cutout characters.

That's my two cents. Go throw it across the Delaware-- and Kellerman will make good use of it, to be sure. :)




April 16, 2008~ 8:15am
I've been occupied here like a little beaver gnawing at a redwood for the last few days. My back-up 'good-for-5-years' free image host, tanked. It's been down for 3 weeks, nearly 4-- never been gone for more than a week in the past, so I think it's history. (One of those, 'build up the clientele till you have a good base- then SELL!' sort of things.) Certainly it's happened before to me, and twice with hosts I was actually paying for-- so never again with that. It doesn't turn out any differently. One day, everything is just 'gone'.

The last 3 days I've been transferring images and recoding old issues of The Blue House. I've completed eleven so far....on an average of 16 pages each. (That's a lot of recoding, folks. LOL!!) I'm seeing double.

On a lighter note, look at this WONDERFUL misspelled sign, sent to me via email today, and it honestly made me laugh out loud.



Captured at 115th and Allisonville Rd. in Fishers (Indianapolis). The sign is real and was up for two hours before someone stopped and told them how to spell PEONIES!

There, see? We all need a good laugh at least once a day to stay healthy. It's good for what ails 'ya. And if you also want to read an uplifting, happy account in--- (of all things- the NEWSPAPER!) ---CLICK HERE. It's good to know that some folks really do have a sense of history and continuity and the importance of caring for our past. God love them!

Going up to bed now. I cannot see to type another letttttttttttrrrr. {{{{{{oooomph.....splat!}}}}}}}





***

(Return To Weekly Archives)