Weblog 151

December 28, 2008~ 12:15am
One major holiday down, one more to go... and for me, it will be a quiet evening alone, the way I choose this year. There's something inherently sad about Auld Lang Zyne, and I seem to be feeling that more intensely than other years-- who's to say why.

I've begun to register the slippage of years a lot more viscerally. My mother... my cat.. everything about my life is showing its age. It takes longer to pull myself out of the down times and it's just easier doing that when I'm by myself. I feel like a tuning fork, tuned to minor key.

Deep inside, I think the whole world dreams of mothering, and we aren't at our best when we feel this way because folks tend to turn to any distraction in lieu of it. We're all lost lambs, bleating in the night- this striking image says it all.



It's hallucination image from the animated movie "Waltz With Bashir", about the 1982 massacre of Palestinians in Lebanon carried out by the Christian Phalangists. It shows the way the escapist portion of the mind wants to conjures up a giant, mythical female form to cling to...to be safe and float away.

I very much want to rent this movie, but I feel frightened of the short showing of real footage of that event at the end....my mind can only absorb so much horror. I do applaud the courage of Ari Folman in making this film, seeing how he was an Israeli soldier at the time and for years had blotted out memory of those days of brutality. He did not take part directly but was very close by, no doubt carrying a crushing sense of guilt for the past 26 years. This film was his way of confronting that-- by finding comrads willing to talk about those 60 hours of the unimaginable, when their job was to shoot flares from the tops of buildings he later understood was to 'light up the night' so the killing could continue.

Sometimes I think that's what media does.....it 'lights up the night'. It turns attention away from horror and by so doing, it becomes complicit by distracting in so many ways that play upon human cowardice and our willingness not to pay attention. We all want to float away.....



to see things- if at all -from a comfortable distance. If I have one New Year's resolution this year it's to pay attention, to not be lulled. Not by media (or 'new stuff') or gossip- or clever junk. This planet is in a bad way. It won't get better by allowing distancing from that fact. I want to make sure the things that DO bring joy and happiness are the ones that truly matter. I want the real stuff. Things can be divided into two piles, the lasting and the momentary. The lasting is much smaller and much more difficult to hang onto, and probably harder to manage, but it's possible. It is possible. It demands discipline. For all of us, I wish the joy of discipline, which really and truly can change the world.

We must mother ourselves.




December 28, 2008~ 5:40pm
After waiting a couple weeks till we had time to watch it, the much anticipated viewing of 'The Dark Knight' left only cinders in the mouth. We'd enjoyed Christian Bale's Batman whole-heartedly the first time around, and had only the best of hopes for this second, especially with the talented Heath Ledger as a really, really scary and psychotic joker



- but this nihilistic, ugly film was simply depressing and without merit. I imagine part of its fame is due to this being the final film for the young and talented Ledger, and thus will develop a certain cult-following much like Brandon Lee's tragic death boosted 'The Crow' with a disturbing, necrophiliac fan base - but all that aside, this is simply a bad film. The acting is hammish-- Heath being the best of the lot (though so twitchy-crazy, he was hard to watch without feeling truly uneasy.) It was like gawking at a mental patient acting-out.

There is simply no one likeable in the film. Even Batman seemed a vacuous fool- a rich boy indulging his lust for the latest techno-junk- and his rasped whisper sounded stagier and sillier in this sequel as though the actor knew he was doing a number on his vocal chords, but was doin' it anyway.


The Dark Knight

Waited this long
to see
the movie
everyone sold on the fact that this
was the best
Batman
of all, young villain, real life death
did much to prop
its appeal, but watching the dark screen, peeks
of very little light, a parade of ugly
images, no humor, ham
handed
actors and an arsenal of high tech
gagetry
that wouldn't quit
pushing
to be the real
star of the film, there is no humanity in this one
and no
humor
no tongue
in cheek,
nod and wink to DC comics
whatsoever
just that brutality, that poor young
talented actor
giving his last performance,
going out with his face like that
burned
into memory
was such a crime
not even
Michael Caine's
light cockney banter
or Morgan Freeman's serious earnestness could save
this overrated bust
of a
dark knight,
last piece on the board.


That being said, I have to tell you that Wayne- my life's partner, and a wonder at recognizing voices- just the best at that of anyone- said to me as we watched the film, "I KNOW WHO THAT JOKER SOUNDS LIKE!.........AL FRANKEN! It's almost like Joker set out to copy him exactly!" And he's RIGHT. Amazing ear, that man. And what an off-the-wall voice to choose to mimic. I'd never have noticed if he hadn't said it, but it's absolutely true.




December 28, 2008~ 8:35pm
And...let there be LIGHT...



from darker topics, to the lights of my life. Finally got some Christmas pictures uploaded and brightened (yes, they all came out too dark, as per usual unless taken outside) and here they are. That lovely tree is the one at Joan's house, and she made a DELICIOUS meal and yummy appetizers beforehand. Here's Little Kay playing with her new dollies from Pap Pap Wayne



wearing a deep red velvet Christmas dress, and looking like a princess. And here's brother Bill wearing a clone troopers t-shirt-- (Star Wars is never far from mind)



and playing with his new 'Big Ben Roethlisberger' action figure, which he adored. Of all things bright and beautiful, certainly my grandchildren are the glimmering stars at the top of the tree. Whenever life gets a bit murky, time spent with them sets things to rights rather quickly. Our children save us. Yes they do. If we allow it, they snap things right back into perspective, lickety split!




January 1, 2009~ 4:00pm


Into the new....out with the old. Hope your home was as warm and glowing as that little house on New Year's Eve. I went out for an early dinner with Wayne-- (he showed me his new car. Just picked it up yesterday, and it's gorgeous! Also a Ford Focus, but man o man, what a difference one year's design makes. It hardly looks like the same model. Much roomier inside, and lots of doo-dads. He's tickled. We both are.) Because the streets were getting snow covered, and the wind was brutal, he dropped me off at home and gingerly drove back to his house-- I'm sure praying his trip would be safe and non-slippery.

I finished "The Story of Edgar Sawtelle", and holy COW, was that a depressing ending! After loving so much about that book, because of the ending, I couldn't honestly recommend it to anyone. I mean, it's a big book, and you step inside a world so completely hushed and claustrophobic in the main character's muteness, and you love what he loves, see what he sees. You meld- and you see dogs as spiritually sentient beings, and the book REMAKES reality for the days you read it, but the ending is crushing. Just crushing.

So that was my New Years. LOL. Slept through the midnight hour, and padded about in the middle of the night when I woke up again, feeling adrift. (The 'book' again, no doubt.) Today I hacked at my hair. (Some symbolic thing that works for me when I'm sad or out of sorts)- and took a nice long bubble bath. I like the neat way the hair looks now, sans the bottom inch and a half.

New beginnings. A new look......bobbed and centered.


It's the new year. It's way past midnight now, and we're well into it. Hope this journey is interesting. Pack lightly. Keep the legs strong, the mind clear, the heart- inspired. I love you all.





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