Weblog 193

October 18, 2009~ 12:00am
After babysitting on Saturday, I came home and finally downloaded the pictures from our trip to the Springs Festival- only two weeks ago, but it feels like a year because so much has changed since then- or so it seems. My view of the world has spun around a few times. That happens when an elderly mother takes a sudden downturn and I feel both older, and more afraid. More vulnerable... and so do those I love. Even the weather has been drizzly and gloomy, and much, much colder.

That day, though...boy..... that day was perfect.



It was a day for goldenrods- and golden leaves. The sun warm and terribly bright. We started off with a good breakfast and made our way up, up in elevation to the gorgeous parts of Western Pennsylvania, the Laurel Highlands and Chestnut Ridge. We found a little Lutheran Church, white and perfect, at the apex of a winding road; it had a small cemetery with headstones dating back to the 1840's.



Everything was so crisp and clear! The 'charmer' was this shot.



It would appear, even the dead need to make trips to the water closet. LOL!!!

I just love that stark white against the blue, blue sky. The air up there felt like a new life altogether and our ears kept popping as we climbed higher. This road is the trail up to Mt. Davis, the highest elevation in the state, but it also has a turnoff to Springs, a small town with a thriving Mennonite population and every year the cider presses come out, the home-smoked sausages, the blacksmith's display, quilting, leatherwork...you name it: if it's 'homespun' and quaint, it'll find a place in Springs.

We also saw a good deal of the history of the region (French and Indian Wars) in a frontiersman reenactor loading his flintlock rifle and firing. He was mighty impressive.



(I took a shot after this one when the gun actually fired, but the sound startled me so badly it's blurry beyond belief.) This year they also had a campsite of Huron Indian (reenactors?)- who were wonderfully picturesque.



They'd spread out tomahawks, beaded wampum, cooking pots and other paraphrenalia of daily life, and had the most striking thatch and animal skin wigwam at their campsite. (This was just before we came to the 'fried cheese and pickle' Snack Hut. LOL!!! It smelled wonderful, but I was afraid I'd burn the skin right off my mouth.) I did buy a small pewter cat- (in memory of Beethoven) a tiny, blown-glass bluebird, as well as a polished green glass pendant to wear on a necklace chain. (The temptation is always to buy and buy and buy)-- so I usually satisfy myself with a few trinkets. Something to remember the day.

Here's one shot of me, standing by a cheerful red tractor, and I'm laden down with jacket, purse, and gear- practically lost behind 'stuff'



but I think you can still see the happiness on my face.

A truly lovely day. Start to finish. And I have these pictures to look at whenever I want to take a mental wander back to that first weekend in October 2009, and it was a bell-ringer and full of joy.




October 18, 2009~ 12:15am
I didn't talk about the babysitting on Saturday morning and into the afternoon because too often, I was the big baby. By the end of this week, I was emotionaly exhausted. (This does not make for a good mix with 2 kiddoes full of energy who missed seeing me for 2 weeks, and who BOTH wanted to talk at all times, but never about what the other one was talking about, and we couldn't seem to find a middle ground that everyone might enjoy. LOL!!!)

I couldn't get the VCR to work right, so movies were 'out'. I'd brought over an old game of "Operation" that I'd promised them, stashed at my house since MY kiddoes were young, but they both jumped every time the buzzer went off, causing 4 year old Kay to note: "I'm TOO LITTLE for this game, Grandma!" -so that got stowed in the cupboard, up under the gloves and mittens and things.

Bill wanted to play football, football, football, and Kay wanted anything to do with princesses and 'pretty, pretty ladies. The most BOOTIFUL ladies, ever!" -- so we drew pictures for a while. Football pictures and princesses. I retold the story of Hansel and Gretel, which prompted their own versions of the story told back to me...(I felt sure Bill's would have a quarterback in there somewhere) but his twist had the villain being the father not the stepmother... and it involved lots of 'cat dander'. (Don't ask me why, but I think allergies have something to do with it.)

Kay cracked me up by insisting that their names were HANDSOME and Gretel-- so I heard all about "poor widdle Gwetel and huh bwothuh, who was called Handsome"-- the storytelling was a delightful interval, but too often today I was snappish, worries about my mother flitting around in the back of my mind with assisted living on the horizon and her own, now growing resistance to the idea.

Sure enough, while I was grocery shopping Saturday evening, my sister called my cellphone to say that Mum had fallen again last night at 11:30, but managed to call her.

Kathy was at mum's by midnight and though mum was unhurt, she was unable to get back up on her own. (And she now says she doesn't think she wants to go to an assisted living home. God! this is tough.) Kathy scoped out some places this past week and one is absolutely perfect. Not too ritzy, all ladies (only one man) -the average age is 85, and everyone wears brightly colored sweatsuits and seem to be alert and happy... they raid the night-kitchen, everyone using their walkers and playing cards in a room that always has a game going on, and the staff is wonderful.

But mum is digging in her heels and saying a big FIRM, "no". She's not safe on her own, will probably burn down her apartment building with a cigarette, or fall and break her neck. Oh Lord......I just wanna fly away.....



....be somewhere else. That's not possible, and I know that and all lives have patches like these; realistically I know that, but they come out of the blue like a trainwreck and smash the hell out of one's equilibrium.

Here. Let me tell you a story. Once there was a little gnome



who became so tired of birds falling out of the trees and expecting him to pick them up, and mushrooms that needed constant repainting... and the clamor of crickets hurt his small pointy ears, and even the blue of the sky was so blue it hurt his elfin eyes... so one night, he set off and ran away from gnomedom: he was bug-eyed tired. LOL!! Yep. That's my story.

And nobody lives happily ever after, but sometimes they get to laugh. Or dance...

And then there's an earthquake or a flood... or the mushrooms are poisoned... or everyone gets old and infirm and the world takes no note, and they use their tiny walkers but can't outrun the foxes, and the story is sad, sad, sad. THE END.

(Oh, and my mother fell again. Kathy called me at 11:00 to say she'd just come from there....that's twice in the last two days, three times in a week, and still she insists she can live alone.) Sweet Jesus.




October 18, 2009~ 8:15pm
It's time. She knows. She's finally convinced, and the papers are being signed tomorrow. This is gonna be mum's new home



located on 12 acres, 300 residents in various strata along the continuum of care that is offered. (She'll finally be able to get a shower without worry. Showers are always done with staff on hand should help be needed...and she'll be able to just step inside a stall, high seat with railing there for her, and let the hot water just run and run on her aching body. What bliss.)

There's no more arguing or bargaining about it. It's something that's no longer a choice or a decision that can be put off. The good news is that the home is closer to me than where she lives now, so I can run up there a few times a week after work to spend some time with her. Hopefully, she'll find herself a niche in the daily activities, and make some friends...she's seemed so lonely in the past six months or so with absolutely nothing that interests her.

There's no smoking, anywhere inside or on the grounds, so that's the biggest hurdle, but there is no choice: all homes for the elderly have this rule in place. It's simply too risky. I didn't buy her cigarettes while shopping today, and she should run out in the two weeks before she enters her new living arrangements. Kathy is looking into getting her a 'patch' to make the transition to non-smoking less difficult, and mum admits this is the biggest challenge right now, and the one she dreads more than anything. (She's 89, and smoking since she was 16.) Lord.....this will be me someday!



All in all, her spirits seemed better today and she was more alert. We watched the end of the Steeler game together and she was shushing me to hear the final score as we ate our Panera's chicken noodle soup and rolls at her dining room table. Both her knees are skinned with rug burns from her falling episode last night. I told her she has the skinny, skinned pins of a 10 year old. LOL!!

Oh my....life races on.

We can only hope to keep in front of the big tires, and with luck, with love.....sometimes we do manage... god help us.




October 21, 2009~ 7:15am
I HATE THE ARROGANCE OF MOVIE MAKERS!



Left the office on time yesterday, came across the Highland Park Bridge and hit a total bottleneck. After waiting in a line of unmoving traffic, I was able to get over one lane (thinking a car had broken down up ahead) but what I found instead was a movie crew tying up Washington Boulevard, and two cop cars, lights blinking, diagonally across the road to prevent anyone getting past.

I had to continue straight, because there was no alternative, and took a 3 mile detour before I could turn around, head back and get onto Butler Street instead. But as I approached the intersection again, cars were MOVING. YEAH!! I got into the turning lane, made the turn............and a fat cop threw his bubblelights on, blocked us diagonally again, standing there like Moses directing the Israelites, and I waited at a standstill for an additional 15 minutes while crews, lights, DIRECTOR, everyone with headsets on and acting like hot shit, made a l-e-i-s-u-r-e-l-y  exit.

I gave the finger to anyone who looked like he was important.

Pittsburgh has become a Mecca of sorts for moviemakers and in the past, whenever a scene was to be filmed, they chose NON-RUSH HOUR times and notified the public via the local news that there would be road closures or tie-ups, etc. This one came out of the blue, and without so much as a fare-thee-well. They commandeered the whole goddamned major rush hour artery! Arrogant assholes.

I hope your picture bombs.




October 21, 2009~ 7:40am
For those of you who are 'sceptical' about the negative results of drug use, get a gander at this. Scariest thing I've ever seen. A true vision of Jekyll and Hyde.





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