Weblog 204
January 3, 2010~ 12:00am
I've had a lovely, contemplative and enjoyable start to the new year. For the most part, it was alone--- but comfortable and cozy nevertheless.
We've finally emerged from the dastardly double-zero years of the twenty first century (which seem to have dragged catastrophe onto our planet) with its wars, suicide bombings-- failed economies-- and I hope and pray our second leg of this journey into the next hundred years of history will show an improvement; will show some color and life.....some hope for a change.
I want some brilliant color again. I want to see bursting blooms instead of bombs. The trouble is there is so much of the world that seems to have no normal human concerns or desires at all, these extremists such as we've never seen before, and they are growing in number. Their only aim appears to be destruction, and their single motivation, hatred.
And I know in my heart you can't fight fire with fire.
Dumb as it may seem, you have to hand them a flower.
You have to come from a place of peace when approaching them-- and I don't see this happening, and it saddens me beyond words. Gandhi had the only sane idea: non-violence no matter what.....that's it. Sermon done.
As to what I've been doing this New Year's weekend, I've been content to sit with my memories. I even cleaned a little...lol....took a look around these rooms chock full of stuff, and dusted some of them off, and I uncovered memories imprinted on all of them. Pictures of the past....
Overlaying everything, there were movies playing on the surface of objects, bringing the past home to me, and I received it gratefully. I made peace with my life... I felt affectionate toward it. All the struggles, all the loves and falterings-- accepted. I sat in my chair like Francis Bacon's pope, and felt atop a high atoll of mounting days
and felt the quiver of everything alive supporting me, knowing I am merely the sum of my days on earth and that each memory forms the mountain of a life- each object carried with me is precisely what I chose to keep, and it's what defines me.
To do that I had to accept the darker side, the things that cling despite...the mistakes....the hard edges of sharp words and personal failings. That was a bleaker picture, but the whole of it requires seeing all of it. So sometimes, I screamed
--though nobody heard it. Silent, primal screams that serve to signal a sudden 'AH HA!' were mute for the most part, but I could feel them-- hear them myself. I was spending a weekend alone and regressing to other times of my life and reliving them, accepting it entirely, and it was a good way to start off the year, I think, in a nook of meditation. (The newly connected TV helped strangely enough-- must have been all those reruns from the 50's 60's and 70's that served as a doorway into the past. I know I felt cocooned and safe.)
I felt like I'd come home, and it wasn't a bad place at all, it was warmly familiar. I must have been estranged for some time-- but didn't even know it. Here's to memories. Here's to the future.
January 3, 2010~ 2:45pm
Because we sometimes get claustrophobic in our own little worlds, I found this mind-blowing site that can show us the THE BIG PICTURE -it's a 360 degree view of the incomparably beautiful city of Prague. The magnitude and the unbelievable, zoomable detail is incredible!
(There's a 'treasure hunt' too, if you're in the mood for sleuthing through the nooks and crannies within this image.) This is the easiest way to 'travel'- right from your own comfortable chair and into the world at large. Have fun!
January 5, 2010~ 8:15pm
I am PISSED OFF! First medical crisis at the home, and as far as I'm concerned- (for all their extra-curricular activities and Christian piety) -they botched it BIG TIME.
When I visited mum on Sunday, she had a bruise that extended from her knee, all the way up her inner thigh, and her leg was terribly swollen. She had a 'pain patch' on the leg, as prescribed by the doctor, and she had an appointment to see him yesterday. She doesn't recall bumping it in any way, or falling-- just that livid bruising and pain. My sister went with her to her doctor's appointment (right there in the building) and he determined that the blood thinners she'd been on, in combination with the aspirin she's been taking for arthritis- as well as the pain patch, which is an anti-steroidal medication absorbed into the skin topically, and which also thins the blood- were probably causing some bruising (which, by yesterday afternoon, was already turning more of a yellow shade and beginning to re-absorb and heal.) He ordered Tylenol instead. He took blood work for a platelet count, and told Kathy and mum he was taking her off the medicated leg patch.
Today when I stopped in, I was shocked and very frightened. He leg was PURPLISH BLACK ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE KNEE, and all the way down to the ankle and right up to her hip. And.....SHE STILL HAD THE DAMN PATCH ON! I ripped it right off. In addition, her dumb knee-high stockings were so tight they looked like a tourniquet right below her knee, rolled practically into a noose. I asked her why she was wearing those stupid things, and she said she asked the nurse and was told 'it would be alright'. The swelling was tremendous, the skin shiny and hot to the touch. She told me she hadn't even gone down to breakfast this morning, it hurt too much, and the leg scared her.
I immediately went to get the nurse, who told me she hadn't been in all weekend and hadn't seen the leg before today- and she knew my mother had seen the doctor yesterday about it, that he'd ordered blood work, and wasn't aware that it was much, much worse. I asked why she was still wearing the medicated patch when the doctor had ordered her off of it. She showed me the chart. He'd never written it down! Never told anyone it was to be discontinued. I told her I'd seen cellulitis and was worried about tissue damage- capsulitis or worse, and I thought she should be taken to the hospital.
She began to get nervous, and I was ready to spit nails. She said she'd call the doctor. I went back in the room and called my sister, who was also extremely alarmed, and she drove over. She got there when the nurse came back in to say she'd called the doctor mum had seen yesterday, but he wouldn't talk to her. Told her to call some female Hindu doctor who was on call, and hung up. She called the other doctor, and she said nothing was to be done, the tests weren't back yet! Well, mum's leg was already looking a wee bit better- still swollen, but elevating her legs in her recliner and removing the patch seemed to be having a beneficial effect. They no longer felt hot to the touch.
The nurse came in looking sheepish, and I told her I wasn't blaming her- she hadn't been there to see the leg before to compare it to the way it looked when I walked in. HOWEVER........when she called the doctor and told him a daughter was there who'd seen it on Sunday, and that it was ALARMINGLY worse, and on the OTHER SIDE now....that prick should have taken the situation seriously.
My sister went to talk to the nurse, to tell her that she'd been there when the doctor ordered the patch removed. The nurse again showed her the chart. Kathy couldn't believe that all it said was, 'thigh bruise'....'ordered blood work.'
The arrogance of the OTHER doctor, who's NEVER seen my mother, enraged me. The fact that there were two family members there who did see the rapid progression of that discoloration, bruising, gross swelling and heat....should have given her enough pause to stop and consider that something may be going seriously wrong. Vascular damage is irreversible. Tissue death results. THOSE INSUFFERABLE PRICK BASTARDS!!!
The nurse came in with a sheet of paper on which she'd written the medication mum was put on December 31st. It had been increased in the pain patch tremendously- it was to be reapplied every 12 hours, not 'as needed' as before. (Neither my sister nor myself knew those changes had been made.) She said she wasn't as alarmed once we told her the doctor had 'mentioned' yesterday that the patch- a powerful blood thinner - was to be stopped. In her opinion- and seeing that the leg was already looking better than it had- it was 'safe' to wait for the platelet test results.
I am PISSED AS HELL!! That's not just incompetence...that's full-bodied, flaming physician ARROGANCE. You can believe I will be questioning EVERYTHING they do. Changes in shifts and personnel, unreliable medical charting on the doctor's part, unconcern on the part of his 'back up' physician.....it looks like family itself stands between health and medical emergencies. Lesson: DON'T JUDGE A BOOK BY IT'S COVER. Outside, very nice. Inside...typical of any medical facility it this country....understaffed, unshared critical information, and just a lack of concern. Doctors are not gods. Not by a long shot, and those assholes do not scare me in the least.
Wanna see the SHIT they had her on? Look at the 'DISCLAIMERS'....holy crap! FLECTOR-PATCH (Wonder who's getting some drug rep's perks?? Hmmmm??? All those old folks...all of 'em with hurts and aches and pains???) Makes me furious. DOES THAT LOOK LIKE A GERIATRIC SAFE DRUG TO YOU???? Me either.
January 6, 2010~ 7:00pm
Update: Mum had a Doppler Test today at the hospital, and luckily there are no blood clots in that swollen leg. The swelling is still there, but with elevation and rest- the drug working its way out of her system, she should be fine. Thank God.
And today is the Epiphany, 'Three Kings Day'- and the official end of the holiday season. I am entranced with international customs when it comes to holidays celebrated the world over. I knew that in Puerto Rico, Christmas itself is primarily a religious holiday, whereas the gift-giving comes (quite appropriately, I think) with the coming of the Magi and their gifts for baby Jesus. Shoeboxes are filled with grass or hay for the camels and put under the beds, the children's shoes are shined and waiting for treats that come in the night- on January 6th.
What I didn't know is that it's a far more spectacular celebration in Spain itself....
with a parade through the streets on the eve of January 5th.
The children go to see, not ONE 'Santa Claus' to whisper what they wish for....
but THREE!!! lol!!! (I love that take on it!) What colorful, marvelous people we are, everywhere. Rooted in the same stories--- many of the same beliefs--- we vary and extemporize, we stir the soup in so many personal ways. At heart we're really not so 'separate'...... but we are 'creative and distinctive'. (And we love to celebrate!)
January 7, 2010~ 8:00pm
Ok....because we all gotta laugh....
and because my 'one day holiday' taken because of icy roads this morning is nearly done, and- dumbass that I am -tomorrow's roads look even worse....I needed a GOOD LAUGH, and boy! did I find it.
Just click on the weird-looking picture above to go to PHOTOSHOP DISASTERS. (This picture alone is worth the visit. I am literally laughing out loud here, and it's not just the ads that members have posted, it's the comments.) LOL!!! Oh, Lord....this kind of thing just tickles me!
***
(Return To Weekly Archives)
I've had a lovely, contemplative and enjoyable start to the new year. For the most part, it was alone--- but comfortable and cozy nevertheless.
We've finally emerged from the dastardly double-zero years of the twenty first century (which seem to have dragged catastrophe onto our planet) with its wars, suicide bombings-- failed economies-- and I hope and pray our second leg of this journey into the next hundred years of history will show an improvement; will show some color and life.....some hope for a change.
I want some brilliant color again. I want to see bursting blooms instead of bombs. The trouble is there is so much of the world that seems to have no normal human concerns or desires at all, these extremists such as we've never seen before, and they are growing in number. Their only aim appears to be destruction, and their single motivation, hatred.
And I know in my heart you can't fight fire with fire.
Dumb as it may seem, you have to hand them a flower.
You have to come from a place of peace when approaching them-- and I don't see this happening, and it saddens me beyond words. Gandhi had the only sane idea: non-violence no matter what.....that's it. Sermon done.
As to what I've been doing this New Year's weekend, I've been content to sit with my memories. I even cleaned a little...lol....took a look around these rooms chock full of stuff, and dusted some of them off, and I uncovered memories imprinted on all of them. Pictures of the past....
Overlaying everything, there were movies playing on the surface of objects, bringing the past home to me, and I received it gratefully. I made peace with my life... I felt affectionate toward it. All the struggles, all the loves and falterings-- accepted. I sat in my chair like Francis Bacon's pope, and felt atop a high atoll of mounting days
and felt the quiver of everything alive supporting me, knowing I am merely the sum of my days on earth and that each memory forms the mountain of a life- each object carried with me is precisely what I chose to keep, and it's what defines me.
To do that I had to accept the darker side, the things that cling despite...the mistakes....the hard edges of sharp words and personal failings. That was a bleaker picture, but the whole of it requires seeing all of it. So sometimes, I screamed
--though nobody heard it. Silent, primal screams that serve to signal a sudden 'AH HA!' were mute for the most part, but I could feel them-- hear them myself. I was spending a weekend alone and regressing to other times of my life and reliving them, accepting it entirely, and it was a good way to start off the year, I think, in a nook of meditation. (The newly connected TV helped strangely enough-- must have been all those reruns from the 50's 60's and 70's that served as a doorway into the past. I know I felt cocooned and safe.)
I felt like I'd come home, and it wasn't a bad place at all, it was warmly familiar. I must have been estranged for some time-- but didn't even know it. Here's to memories. Here's to the future.
January 3, 2010~ 2:45pm
Because we sometimes get claustrophobic in our own little worlds, I found this mind-blowing site that can show us the THE BIG PICTURE -it's a 360 degree view of the incomparably beautiful city of Prague. The magnitude and the unbelievable, zoomable detail is incredible!
(There's a 'treasure hunt' too, if you're in the mood for sleuthing through the nooks and crannies within this image.) This is the easiest way to 'travel'- right from your own comfortable chair and into the world at large. Have fun!
January 5, 2010~ 8:15pm
I am PISSED OFF! First medical crisis at the home, and as far as I'm concerned- (for all their extra-curricular activities and Christian piety) -they botched it BIG TIME.
When I visited mum on Sunday, she had a bruise that extended from her knee, all the way up her inner thigh, and her leg was terribly swollen. She had a 'pain patch' on the leg, as prescribed by the doctor, and she had an appointment to see him yesterday. She doesn't recall bumping it in any way, or falling-- just that livid bruising and pain. My sister went with her to her doctor's appointment (right there in the building) and he determined that the blood thinners she'd been on, in combination with the aspirin she's been taking for arthritis- as well as the pain patch, which is an anti-steroidal medication absorbed into the skin topically, and which also thins the blood- were probably causing some bruising (which, by yesterday afternoon, was already turning more of a yellow shade and beginning to re-absorb and heal.) He ordered Tylenol instead. He took blood work for a platelet count, and told Kathy and mum he was taking her off the medicated leg patch.
Today when I stopped in, I was shocked and very frightened. He leg was PURPLISH BLACK ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE KNEE, and all the way down to the ankle and right up to her hip. And.....SHE STILL HAD THE DAMN PATCH ON! I ripped it right off. In addition, her dumb knee-high stockings were so tight they looked like a tourniquet right below her knee, rolled practically into a noose. I asked her why she was wearing those stupid things, and she said she asked the nurse and was told 'it would be alright'. The swelling was tremendous, the skin shiny and hot to the touch. She told me she hadn't even gone down to breakfast this morning, it hurt too much, and the leg scared her.
I immediately went to get the nurse, who told me she hadn't been in all weekend and hadn't seen the leg before today- and she knew my mother had seen the doctor yesterday about it, that he'd ordered blood work, and wasn't aware that it was much, much worse. I asked why she was still wearing the medicated patch when the doctor had ordered her off of it. She showed me the chart. He'd never written it down! Never told anyone it was to be discontinued. I told her I'd seen cellulitis and was worried about tissue damage- capsulitis or worse, and I thought she should be taken to the hospital.
She began to get nervous, and I was ready to spit nails. She said she'd call the doctor. I went back in the room and called my sister, who was also extremely alarmed, and she drove over. She got there when the nurse came back in to say she'd called the doctor mum had seen yesterday, but he wouldn't talk to her. Told her to call some female Hindu doctor who was on call, and hung up. She called the other doctor, and she said nothing was to be done, the tests weren't back yet! Well, mum's leg was already looking a wee bit better- still swollen, but elevating her legs in her recliner and removing the patch seemed to be having a beneficial effect. They no longer felt hot to the touch.
The nurse came in looking sheepish, and I told her I wasn't blaming her- she hadn't been there to see the leg before to compare it to the way it looked when I walked in. HOWEVER........when she called the doctor and told him a daughter was there who'd seen it on Sunday, and that it was ALARMINGLY worse, and on the OTHER SIDE now....that prick should have taken the situation seriously.
My sister went to talk to the nurse, to tell her that she'd been there when the doctor ordered the patch removed. The nurse again showed her the chart. Kathy couldn't believe that all it said was, 'thigh bruise'....'ordered blood work.'
The arrogance of the OTHER doctor, who's NEVER seen my mother, enraged me. The fact that there were two family members there who did see the rapid progression of that discoloration, bruising, gross swelling and heat....should have given her enough pause to stop and consider that something may be going seriously wrong. Vascular damage is irreversible. Tissue death results. THOSE INSUFFERABLE PRICK BASTARDS!!!
The nurse came in with a sheet of paper on which she'd written the medication mum was put on December 31st. It had been increased in the pain patch tremendously- it was to be reapplied every 12 hours, not 'as needed' as before. (Neither my sister nor myself knew those changes had been made.) She said she wasn't as alarmed once we told her the doctor had 'mentioned' yesterday that the patch- a powerful blood thinner - was to be stopped. In her opinion- and seeing that the leg was already looking better than it had- it was 'safe' to wait for the platelet test results.
I am PISSED AS HELL!! That's not just incompetence...that's full-bodied, flaming physician ARROGANCE. You can believe I will be questioning EVERYTHING they do. Changes in shifts and personnel, unreliable medical charting on the doctor's part, unconcern on the part of his 'back up' physician.....it looks like family itself stands between health and medical emergencies. Lesson: DON'T JUDGE A BOOK BY IT'S COVER. Outside, very nice. Inside...typical of any medical facility it this country....understaffed, unshared critical information, and just a lack of concern. Doctors are not gods. Not by a long shot, and those assholes do not scare me in the least.
Wanna see the SHIT they had her on? Look at the 'DISCLAIMERS'....holy crap! FLECTOR-PATCH (Wonder who's getting some drug rep's perks?? Hmmmm??? All those old folks...all of 'em with hurts and aches and pains???) Makes me furious. DOES THAT LOOK LIKE A GERIATRIC SAFE DRUG TO YOU???? Me either.
January 6, 2010~ 7:00pm
Update: Mum had a Doppler Test today at the hospital, and luckily there are no blood clots in that swollen leg. The swelling is still there, but with elevation and rest- the drug working its way out of her system, she should be fine. Thank God.
And today is the Epiphany, 'Three Kings Day'- and the official end of the holiday season. I am entranced with international customs when it comes to holidays celebrated the world over. I knew that in Puerto Rico, Christmas itself is primarily a religious holiday, whereas the gift-giving comes (quite appropriately, I think) with the coming of the Magi and their gifts for baby Jesus. Shoeboxes are filled with grass or hay for the camels and put under the beds, the children's shoes are shined and waiting for treats that come in the night- on January 6th.
What I didn't know is that it's a far more spectacular celebration in Spain itself....
with a parade through the streets on the eve of January 5th.
"Western Christianity celebrates the Magi on the day of Epiphany, January 6, the day immediately following the twelve days of Christmas, particularly in the Spanish-speaking parts of the world.
In Spain there is a long tradition for having the children receive their Christmas presents by the three "Magos", (the figure of Santa Claus only appeared in recent years) during the night of January 5th (Biblical Magi Eve). Almost every Spanish city or town organize cabalgata (Cavalcade of Magi) in the evening, in which the kings and their servants parade and throw sweets to the children (and parents) in attendance."
The children go to see, not ONE 'Santa Claus' to whisper what they wish for....
but THREE!!! lol!!! (I love that take on it!) What colorful, marvelous people we are, everywhere. Rooted in the same stories--- many of the same beliefs--- we vary and extemporize, we stir the soup in so many personal ways. At heart we're really not so 'separate'...... but we are 'creative and distinctive'. (And we love to celebrate!)
January 7, 2010~ 8:00pm
Ok....because we all gotta laugh....
and because my 'one day holiday' taken because of icy roads this morning is nearly done, and- dumbass that I am -tomorrow's roads look even worse....I needed a GOOD LAUGH, and boy! did I find it.
Just click on the weird-looking picture above to go to PHOTOSHOP DISASTERS. (This picture alone is worth the visit. I am literally laughing out loud here, and it's not just the ads that members have posted, it's the comments.) LOL!!! Oh, Lord....this kind of thing just tickles me!
(Return To Weekly Archives)
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