Weblog 206
January 17, 2010~ 1:15am
Winter has overwhelmed me at last. Until the thaw Saturday when it reached 42 degrees, we've been in a miserable deep freeze of snow every single day, with bitter cold-- and a bad case of the blahs.
On Thursday, the weather predictions for Friday were so dire (freezing drizzle and a mix of wintry precipitation) I made a preemptive move and took Friday off, not wanting to venture out when the roads were predicted to be so dangerously 'iffy'. As it turned out, nothing blew through (and I'm sure I'll take some ribbing on Monday) -but I've chalked it up to a mental health day. The winter sure can grind you down.
That's my granddaughter Shiloh, standing at the family front door up in West Point, New York, watching her father and brothers cavort in the snow. I love that picture because it shows the 'left out-ed-ness' that winter often brings once the holidays are past, and every day brings more cold weather and gray skies. It's gotten to me more this year than in previous seasons....maybe it's simply getting older. Perhaps it's mum being in the Assisted Living home now, my cat being gone.....whatever it is, it's easier to slip into a bad case of....
and it's a far more slippery chute than it used to be, I do know that. Going to work so early in the morning is never pleasant, but add to that tromping through snow to the car, cleaning ice and snow off the thing and cranking it up in the pre-dawn hours --it feels about as lonely as a body can get. Day after day, that routine grinds me down. It's a dark world of looking out of windows....
and seeing your own sad face caught in the reflection, everything frozen all around it. Since I'm a person who enjoys her separateness, this season's glumness has been a puzzle to me. It feels so heavy this time round. At least there's some comedy shows on TV. (Since I got my TV working with the converter box, the only shows I watch are comedies...I seem to need them.) I used to enjoy all the news shows-- the 'cold cases' and shows like '48 Hours' and '60 Minutes', but I have no interest. No desire to see more kidnappings, more unsolved murders and more news about the wars escalating everywhere. It doesn't help when you're already feeling low, that's for sure --so '30 Rock, 'Parks And Recreation', 'The Office' and 'Saturday Night Live' have been my salvation this January. (Thursday nights are THE BEST)... and the looney tunes on SNL are an excellent ensemble of comedic talent once again....I really enjoy this current crop of monkeyshiners! TV comedies, reading, online doodling... and simply waiting out the cold are what has occupied me this entire month thus far, and I think it's gonna stay that way for the coming two months of cold, unpredictable weather.
There are some bright spots. Grandchildren, their big and gentle pets....the constant love of my sweetie pie Wayne, with his wise-cracking humor.......and this one look into the most hypnotic gray eyes you'll ever see.
(That's Shiloh again, facing the camera.) I could get lost in that face. What a looker! She steals my heart... so gently. And gentle anything feels mighty good this time of year.
January 17, 2010~ 1:15am
Great sadness here today....(in fact, I've been crying on and off.) Since Beethoven died, I've carried this heaviness. It's not about 'just getting another pet'....I don't believe in that, not when almost 21 years pass with one particular animal, but I did find tremendous joy and solace in hearing tales of a stray that my best friend Annette had found hanging around her flower beds at her apartment in Los Angeles. She named him TEDDY BEAR, and what a tanker! A very solid-- stray male, marmalade cat with just the sweetest personality once he learned to trust her.
For six weeks now, I've enjoyed hearing about the 'taming process'... and the feeding, the trying to find if he has an owner by putting a collar on him with her phone number on it, and hoping that if he did have an owner- they would call. No one did, and Teddy had to be put down today. Here's snippets of her emails, brimming with love and joy in her new-found buddy....
"the orange tabby is 'teddy bear', teddy for short. he apparently is homeless. and definitely not fixed. my mission is to first get him neutered then a deserving home. but they do find me. i first noticed him in the 'hood the week of thanksgiving and i put him on my radar screen. i monitored him hoping he belonged to somebody but during the 2 days of rain i saw him several times ducking in and out looking for a dry spot. that's when i caved and brought him food - down the street to a property with many elevated flower beds where i would see him regularly. he INHALED it!!. the next day he was under my car in the early morning - smart guy, found me. so it began, adding his mouth to all my others. another cat rescuing friend donated lots of food for him. i was able to pet him for the first time yesterday, and he is now a 'rub-a-dub' addict. his fur is very coarse and thick. his meow is soft and more of a 'honk'. he's just a big huggable lug. follows me home but doesn't stay."
That was the first email, with the picture above that accompanied it. He quickly wormed his way into my heart as well.
"i just fed him (4pm. pacific). he was in the carport ready. he now meows when he sees me. it's a raspy meow - sounds like don corleone of the godfather movie. LOL!!! he consumed 3 cans of fancy feast, little porker. that's it for today, next feeding will be 6AM. but he is so grateful and happy to have found a cat mother. it's heartwarming."
I was delighted. Annette has a way with animals, always has, and her rapport and the way that Teddy was responding, just did my heart good. I loved hearing about his progress. Yesterday, I received this email, and was so happy that he'd be seen by the vet.
"-forgot to mention about the teddy bear. he's staying at the veterinary hospital. brought him in today because of a big laceration at the base of his tail. lots of dried blood, must have been one helluva fight. unfortunately he's a bully, a true tomcat. anyway, i have 7:15AM app't. with doctor tomorrow. this afternoon it started to rain so i went looking for him and found him asleep in the flower bed. he happily came to me and i just picked him up and carried him up the street to my place, with some resistance. had the carrier ready and shoved him in. although my appointment is for monday morning i didn't want him outdoors in the rain or getting into another fight already injured. the clinic was wonderful and they took him in. i left one of my sweatshirts in the cage with him, having my scent there will comfort him."
Today she wrote that the vet called her early this morning to say that Teddy Bear was suffering from feline AIDS and recommended he be euthanized. All I could think was, "Jesus Christ!..."
How quickly he fastened himself to our heartstrings, but our little buddy has passed on, and I am bereft... but my heart aches for Annette. She has two other cats that I've shown in this blog before, but continues to rescue street cats because they find her. She has SUCH a big heart....and she's MUCH STRONGER THAN ME, that's for sure. This afternoon has been so sad-- but I didn't want him to just vanish off the earth, I wanted to put his picture up, to share his story as a memorial to ONE GOOD GUY- big and solid and scrappy.... but sicker than anyone knew.
This entry is for Teddy- in a world of so much darkness he was a light bulb for a while, and we're grateful...very sad....but grateful. The world is full of sharp edges and we all have scars: we mourn such losses like they're the first one- every time.
Here's the beautiful sentiment Annette included in her email from a sympathy card her vet sent when she lost a cat back in 1992. It breaks my heart, but it's also true:
"...grieve not,
nor speak of me with tears,
but laugh and talk of me
as if i were beside you...
i loved you so - 'twas heaven here with you."
For all those grieving from pet loss (and I am one of them)- we did make a difference... as they did in our lives. God bless them, every one. This outpouring of love is for Teddy, and my friend-- who has been known to swim with dolphins. I love both of you.
***
(Return To Weekly Archives)
Winter has overwhelmed me at last. Until the thaw Saturday when it reached 42 degrees, we've been in a miserable deep freeze of snow every single day, with bitter cold-- and a bad case of the blahs.
On Thursday, the weather predictions for Friday were so dire (freezing drizzle and a mix of wintry precipitation) I made a preemptive move and took Friday off, not wanting to venture out when the roads were predicted to be so dangerously 'iffy'. As it turned out, nothing blew through (and I'm sure I'll take some ribbing on Monday) -but I've chalked it up to a mental health day. The winter sure can grind you down.
That's my granddaughter Shiloh, standing at the family front door up in West Point, New York, watching her father and brothers cavort in the snow. I love that picture because it shows the 'left out-ed-ness' that winter often brings once the holidays are past, and every day brings more cold weather and gray skies. It's gotten to me more this year than in previous seasons....maybe it's simply getting older. Perhaps it's mum being in the Assisted Living home now, my cat being gone.....whatever it is, it's easier to slip into a bad case of....
and it's a far more slippery chute than it used to be, I do know that. Going to work so early in the morning is never pleasant, but add to that tromping through snow to the car, cleaning ice and snow off the thing and cranking it up in the pre-dawn hours --it feels about as lonely as a body can get. Day after day, that routine grinds me down. It's a dark world of looking out of windows....
and seeing your own sad face caught in the reflection, everything frozen all around it. Since I'm a person who enjoys her separateness, this season's glumness has been a puzzle to me. It feels so heavy this time round. At least there's some comedy shows on TV. (Since I got my TV working with the converter box, the only shows I watch are comedies...I seem to need them.) I used to enjoy all the news shows-- the 'cold cases' and shows like '48 Hours' and '60 Minutes', but I have no interest. No desire to see more kidnappings, more unsolved murders and more news about the wars escalating everywhere. It doesn't help when you're already feeling low, that's for sure --so '30 Rock, 'Parks And Recreation', 'The Office' and 'Saturday Night Live' have been my salvation this January. (Thursday nights are THE BEST)... and the looney tunes on SNL are an excellent ensemble of comedic talent once again....I really enjoy this current crop of monkeyshiners! TV comedies, reading, online doodling... and simply waiting out the cold are what has occupied me this entire month thus far, and I think it's gonna stay that way for the coming two months of cold, unpredictable weather.
There are some bright spots. Grandchildren, their big and gentle pets....the constant love of my sweetie pie Wayne, with his wise-cracking humor.......and this one look into the most hypnotic gray eyes you'll ever see.
(That's Shiloh again, facing the camera.) I could get lost in that face. What a looker! She steals my heart... so gently. And gentle anything feels mighty good this time of year.
January 17, 2010~ 1:15am
Great sadness here today....(in fact, I've been crying on and off.) Since Beethoven died, I've carried this heaviness. It's not about 'just getting another pet'....I don't believe in that, not when almost 21 years pass with one particular animal, but I did find tremendous joy and solace in hearing tales of a stray that my best friend Annette had found hanging around her flower beds at her apartment in Los Angeles. She named him TEDDY BEAR, and what a tanker! A very solid-- stray male, marmalade cat with just the sweetest personality once he learned to trust her.
For six weeks now, I've enjoyed hearing about the 'taming process'... and the feeding, the trying to find if he has an owner by putting a collar on him with her phone number on it, and hoping that if he did have an owner- they would call. No one did, and Teddy had to be put down today. Here's snippets of her emails, brimming with love and joy in her new-found buddy....
"the orange tabby is 'teddy bear', teddy for short. he apparently is homeless. and definitely not fixed. my mission is to first get him neutered then a deserving home. but they do find me. i first noticed him in the 'hood the week of thanksgiving and i put him on my radar screen. i monitored him hoping he belonged to somebody but during the 2 days of rain i saw him several times ducking in and out looking for a dry spot. that's when i caved and brought him food - down the street to a property with many elevated flower beds where i would see him regularly. he INHALED it!!. the next day he was under my car in the early morning - smart guy, found me. so it began, adding his mouth to all my others. another cat rescuing friend donated lots of food for him. i was able to pet him for the first time yesterday, and he is now a 'rub-a-dub' addict. his fur is very coarse and thick. his meow is soft and more of a 'honk'. he's just a big huggable lug. follows me home but doesn't stay."
That was the first email, with the picture above that accompanied it. He quickly wormed his way into my heart as well.
"i just fed him (4pm. pacific). he was in the carport ready. he now meows when he sees me. it's a raspy meow - sounds like don corleone of the godfather movie. LOL!!! he consumed 3 cans of fancy feast, little porker. that's it for today, next feeding will be 6AM. but he is so grateful and happy to have found a cat mother. it's heartwarming."
I was delighted. Annette has a way with animals, always has, and her rapport and the way that Teddy was responding, just did my heart good. I loved hearing about his progress. Yesterday, I received this email, and was so happy that he'd be seen by the vet.
"-forgot to mention about the teddy bear. he's staying at the veterinary hospital. brought him in today because of a big laceration at the base of his tail. lots of dried blood, must have been one helluva fight. unfortunately he's a bully, a true tomcat. anyway, i have 7:15AM app't. with doctor tomorrow. this afternoon it started to rain so i went looking for him and found him asleep in the flower bed. he happily came to me and i just picked him up and carried him up the street to my place, with some resistance. had the carrier ready and shoved him in. although my appointment is for monday morning i didn't want him outdoors in the rain or getting into another fight already injured. the clinic was wonderful and they took him in. i left one of my sweatshirts in the cage with him, having my scent there will comfort him."
Today she wrote that the vet called her early this morning to say that Teddy Bear was suffering from feline AIDS and recommended he be euthanized. All I could think was, "Jesus Christ!..."
How quickly he fastened himself to our heartstrings, but our little buddy has passed on, and I am bereft... but my heart aches for Annette. She has two other cats that I've shown in this blog before, but continues to rescue street cats because they find her. She has SUCH a big heart....and she's MUCH STRONGER THAN ME, that's for sure. This afternoon has been so sad-- but I didn't want him to just vanish off the earth, I wanted to put his picture up, to share his story as a memorial to ONE GOOD GUY- big and solid and scrappy.... but sicker than anyone knew.
This entry is for Teddy- in a world of so much darkness he was a light bulb for a while, and we're grateful...very sad....but grateful. The world is full of sharp edges and we all have scars: we mourn such losses like they're the first one- every time.
Here's the beautiful sentiment Annette included in her email from a sympathy card her vet sent when she lost a cat back in 1992. It breaks my heart, but it's also true:
"...grieve not,
nor speak of me with tears,
but laugh and talk of me
as if i were beside you...
i loved you so - 'twas heaven here with you."
For all those grieving from pet loss (and I am one of them)- we did make a difference... as they did in our lives. God bless them, every one. This outpouring of love is for Teddy, and my friend-- who has been known to swim with dolphins. I love both of you.
(Return To Weekly Archives)
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