Weblog 210
February 14, 2010~ 12:00am
I've been thinking about roads. All last week stuck at home because of the snow, the reality of roads and how we need them to connect to places, to one another-- and how helpless we are when, for one reason or another they are blocked or made impassable.
Look at that! Roads are remarkably scary, aren't they? Picturesque... dangerous... winding endlessly throughout the world and throughout our lives. Roads mark the narrow margin of either arriving or never getting there, and we must follow their circuitous snaking because all around us there are trees and terrain unnavigable... or perhaps a sheer drop off the side of the world
into oblivion and instant death. We forge and maintain roads to one another in the same way. Sometimes there are climate changes in relationships that make travel difficult or outright impossible. There may be obstacles set right down on the center line, so we have to be vigilant to make sure the road remains open; free to traffic from and toward one another. So roads are communication, not just transportation-- the way we stay in touch with our lives and the people in them.
I don't recall another time in my own life where I was a week holed-up and cut off from the ordinary activities of daily living. It was a weird feeling. What started out to be an out of routine lark, became a darker thing... became imprisonment, and with that realization, the attendant anger at being trapped, with loss of control that goes with it. I suddenly longed for some strong figure to show up on the scene and make things right. It's ridiculous I know, for a 58 year old woman to suddenly start to pine for 'daddy'.....but that's what it felt like. That solid presence who could always figure a way out of any log jam life throws at us.
A 'Robert Young' sort of figure... a 'fixer'. As we grow older that longing doesn't go away, it's just irrational. At this age, we are the 'fixers' and have to make do for ourselves. In the situation I found myself this past week, that couldn't be done, and despondency turned to panic- turned to a feeling of being invisible to the rest of the world. A feeling of being lost right in the middle of life moving all around me while I stuck fast, unable to move.
(This was very pronounced for me because the traffic flow outside my FRONT door was moving fine.) It's the fact that I must park in the rear, with two snow and ice strangled alleys the only way in or out, and those were impossible to move through. What frustration! It felt surreal, and what I longed for was my feeling of isolation to lift.... I wanted tranquility. I wanted a night without the sound of spinning tires. I wanted a respite from feeling so angry and so trapped; so afraid to drive since my one foray out on Wednesday of last week turned into a disaster that I didn't want to repeat. I wanted a calm blue night of serene quiet... I wanted the lid lifted off the sky.
Yes. A moon and a night like that, where you can hear your own heartbeat, and it's not galloping madly, it's a soft, steady reassurance that all is well.
But this is VALENTINE'S DAY.....and at least I did get to see my sweetie. He braved it over here on Saturday afternoon and parked in the side alley. (Poor thing was stuck there for 15 minutes, digging himself deeper and deeper into icy ruts, and I didn't even know it!) When he walked through the back door I felt the first relief I've felt in nine days! I had a partner in this misery, and together we could get out for a meal, do some shopping, and spend some time together. THAT was my Valentine's present. His big, hulking form standing in that door, ice on his curls, black eyes shining.
Any road is easier with two, and that is surely the truth. Right down to the ground.
And HERE'S my VALENTINE CARD!
Wayne was afraid it looked too "funereal"....LOL!!!...but it's perfect. It looks Victorian: dark magenta and black flocking...something Prince Albert would have given to Queen Victoria herself. (Do you know how we all long for someone to say, You're my everything?) That's the perfect gift. (Of course, the fudge is coming. LOL!!) Wayne buys me fudge for Christmas, Valentine's Day, Easter, and my birthday. He knows how I love that stuff, but he wasn't at work all week either, or he'd have made that crazy walking trip across the Smithfield St. Bridge to get to my favorite candy shop in Station Square for the most EXCELLENT chocolate fudge......but it's comin'.... I know it is! (Salivating now.....like a dog.) LOL!!
February 14, 2010~ 8:45pm
HIP HIP HOORAY!! I made it down the alley today and got out to visit with mum! Took her some Sarris Chunk Chocolate and a Valentine card and stayed for dinner. She was tickled.
(Her chocolate wasn't the fancy stuff above, it was the Sarris CHUNK chocolate, which pleases her to no end. She dug right into it! LOL!) We had a nice dinner of grilled cheese and cream of tomato soup, mixed vegetables and pears and ice cream for dessert. It was so GREAT to be sitting at the table with 'the girls' again. Poor Dolores had a leak in her room, and was moved to another floor where it was dry. Seems a LOT of the roofs and eaves around here are taking a heck of a lot of punishment with such an enormous amount of snow just sitting there, waiting to do mischief.
I swear I never would have made it- yes, the alley is still untouched by city salt or plow- but when I got up at noon, Wayne had been outside shoveling for 3 1/2 hours! He dug out the whole carport, gave me a MUCH nicer swing for backing out, and evened out a lot of the ruts that grabbed my poor car on Wednesday of last week and wouldn't let go.
Six more inches predicted for tomorrow, starting at noon....but yes! I'm going to work! I know I can get out. (Getting back in will be the tricky part) -but I'm sick and tired of being trapped here. OUT I GO! WITH A HEARTY, 'Hi Ho, Silver!' Wish me luck.
February 15, 2010~ 11:00pm
Guess where I am? I'm AT WORK! LOL!!! Too chicken shit to drive back home after I'd gotten out this morning...and with snow predicted through Tuesday afternoon....I decided to stay at work...by my lonesome.... and get the backlog of stuff done that's still sitting here from last week when I wasn't able to get out of my house.
It's pretty neat here when it's quiet!!
Microwave.... left-over pizza I ordered at 4 pm... I have high speed internet, plenty of time to get my work caught up.......(and even a 50" flat screen TV in the conference room, should I choose to watch it.) I don't. (The thing intimidates me!)
See? If YOU TOO could pull an all-nighter, that would qualify you for the official MEMBERSHIP CARD
making you an inductee into my own Night Owl Club! Send only 10 box tops and 50 cents and THIS TOO COULD BE YOURS. (God, I'm getting goofy here.....time for more C-O-F-F-E-E.) Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
February 17, 2010~ 12:00am
Work is caught up...completely! Aaaaaand......I got in to work today, despite more snow (4 inches overnight), and believe me, with NO HELP from Mayor Luke Ravenstahl or Pittsburgh Public Works. If you want to see pictures of what I'm talking about, click HERE .....you'll get the picture. It's a cryin' shame. That's what it is.
***
(Return To Weekly Archives)
I've been thinking about roads. All last week stuck at home because of the snow, the reality of roads and how we need them to connect to places, to one another-- and how helpless we are when, for one reason or another they are blocked or made impassable.
Look at that! Roads are remarkably scary, aren't they? Picturesque... dangerous... winding endlessly throughout the world and throughout our lives. Roads mark the narrow margin of either arriving or never getting there, and we must follow their circuitous snaking because all around us there are trees and terrain unnavigable... or perhaps a sheer drop off the side of the world
into oblivion and instant death. We forge and maintain roads to one another in the same way. Sometimes there are climate changes in relationships that make travel difficult or outright impossible. There may be obstacles set right down on the center line, so we have to be vigilant to make sure the road remains open; free to traffic from and toward one another. So roads are communication, not just transportation-- the way we stay in touch with our lives and the people in them.
I don't recall another time in my own life where I was a week holed-up and cut off from the ordinary activities of daily living. It was a weird feeling. What started out to be an out of routine lark, became a darker thing... became imprisonment, and with that realization, the attendant anger at being trapped, with loss of control that goes with it. I suddenly longed for some strong figure to show up on the scene and make things right. It's ridiculous I know, for a 58 year old woman to suddenly start to pine for 'daddy'.....but that's what it felt like. That solid presence who could always figure a way out of any log jam life throws at us.
A 'Robert Young' sort of figure... a 'fixer'. As we grow older that longing doesn't go away, it's just irrational. At this age, we are the 'fixers' and have to make do for ourselves. In the situation I found myself this past week, that couldn't be done, and despondency turned to panic- turned to a feeling of being invisible to the rest of the world. A feeling of being lost right in the middle of life moving all around me while I stuck fast, unable to move.
(This was very pronounced for me because the traffic flow outside my FRONT door was moving fine.) It's the fact that I must park in the rear, with two snow and ice strangled alleys the only way in or out, and those were impossible to move through. What frustration! It felt surreal, and what I longed for was my feeling of isolation to lift.... I wanted tranquility. I wanted a night without the sound of spinning tires. I wanted a respite from feeling so angry and so trapped; so afraid to drive since my one foray out on Wednesday of last week turned into a disaster that I didn't want to repeat. I wanted a calm blue night of serene quiet... I wanted the lid lifted off the sky.
Yes. A moon and a night like that, where you can hear your own heartbeat, and it's not galloping madly, it's a soft, steady reassurance that all is well.
But this is VALENTINE'S DAY.....and at least I did get to see my sweetie. He braved it over here on Saturday afternoon and parked in the side alley. (Poor thing was stuck there for 15 minutes, digging himself deeper and deeper into icy ruts, and I didn't even know it!) When he walked through the back door I felt the first relief I've felt in nine days! I had a partner in this misery, and together we could get out for a meal, do some shopping, and spend some time together. THAT was my Valentine's present. His big, hulking form standing in that door, ice on his curls, black eyes shining.
Any road is easier with two, and that is surely the truth. Right down to the ground.
Wayne was afraid it looked too "funereal"....LOL!!!...but it's perfect. It looks Victorian: dark magenta and black flocking...something Prince Albert would have given to Queen Victoria herself. (Do you know how we all long for someone to say, You're my everything?) That's the perfect gift. (Of course, the fudge is coming. LOL!!) Wayne buys me fudge for Christmas, Valentine's Day, Easter, and my birthday. He knows how I love that stuff, but he wasn't at work all week either, or he'd have made that crazy walking trip across the Smithfield St. Bridge to get to my favorite candy shop in Station Square for the most EXCELLENT chocolate fudge......but it's comin'.... I know it is! (Salivating now.....like a dog.) LOL!!
February 14, 2010~ 8:45pm
HIP HIP HOORAY!! I made it down the alley today and got out to visit with mum! Took her some Sarris Chunk Chocolate and a Valentine card and stayed for dinner. She was tickled.
(Her chocolate wasn't the fancy stuff above, it was the Sarris CHUNK chocolate, which pleases her to no end. She dug right into it! LOL!) We had a nice dinner of grilled cheese and cream of tomato soup, mixed vegetables and pears and ice cream for dessert. It was so GREAT to be sitting at the table with 'the girls' again. Poor Dolores had a leak in her room, and was moved to another floor where it was dry. Seems a LOT of the roofs and eaves around here are taking a heck of a lot of punishment with such an enormous amount of snow just sitting there, waiting to do mischief.
I swear I never would have made it- yes, the alley is still untouched by city salt or plow- but when I got up at noon, Wayne had been outside shoveling for 3 1/2 hours! He dug out the whole carport, gave me a MUCH nicer swing for backing out, and evened out a lot of the ruts that grabbed my poor car on Wednesday of last week and wouldn't let go.
Six more inches predicted for tomorrow, starting at noon....but yes! I'm going to work! I know I can get out. (Getting back in will be the tricky part) -but I'm sick and tired of being trapped here. OUT I GO! WITH A HEARTY, 'Hi Ho, Silver!' Wish me luck.
February 15, 2010~ 11:00pm
Guess where I am? I'm AT WORK! LOL!!! Too chicken shit to drive back home after I'd gotten out this morning...and with snow predicted through Tuesday afternoon....I decided to stay at work...by my lonesome.... and get the backlog of stuff done that's still sitting here from last week when I wasn't able to get out of my house.
It's pretty neat here when it's quiet!!
Microwave.... left-over pizza I ordered at 4 pm... I have high speed internet, plenty of time to get my work caught up.......(and even a 50" flat screen TV in the conference room, should I choose to watch it.) I don't. (The thing intimidates me!)
See? If YOU TOO could pull an all-nighter, that would qualify you for the official MEMBERSHIP CARD
making you an inductee into my own Night Owl Club! Send only 10 box tops and 50 cents and THIS TOO COULD BE YOURS. (God, I'm getting goofy here.....time for more C-O-F-F-E-E.) Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
February 17, 2010~ 12:00am
Work is caught up...completely! Aaaaaand......I got in to work today, despite more snow (4 inches overnight), and believe me, with NO HELP from Mayor Luke Ravenstahl or Pittsburgh Public Works. If you want to see pictures of what I'm talking about, click HERE .....you'll get the picture. It's a cryin' shame. That's what it is.
(Return To Weekly Archives)
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